Conflict Resolution Part 2
Last post we talked about resolving conflict within yourself and today I want to consider a solution for some of the more involved conflicts. A facilitator or mediator may need to be called in for those situations that are more complicated. Although with some thought, reflection and determination you may be able to handle the resolution with you as the facilitator and not having to call in an outside source. Here’s one way conflict could be handled:
- Invite all parties to a private, confidential meeting and set up some ground rules.
- Only one person can speak at a time – no interruptions will be tolerated
- Each party must pledge confidentiality
- Each party must be open to ending the conflict
- The facilitator will invite each person to state the facts of the situation. Only facts from their perspective. No commentary of emotion or assumptions – only facts.
- These facts will be written on a board or paper where everyone can see the facts.
- Once all the facts are stated the facilitator will then ask each party to state how they were hurt by the situation. What was it they felt when the situation occurred?
- This information is also written under the facts on the board so everyone can see.
- The facilitator will then state the story using all the facts and information gathered.
- The facilitator then asks each party if their intention was to cause conflict with each other, using the other party’s own words.
- The facilitator then asks each party to state a solution. What can they do individually to resolve this conflict?
- The facilitator then asks each party if they are willing to take their own action as stated.
- When all agree, the conflict is resolved.
Because all parties have an objective vision and insight into the actions within the conflict it is possible to establish a harmonious working relationship and avoid future conflicts. The point of the exercise is for each party to understand the conflict from each party’s perspective and thereby walk in the other person’s shoes for just a few minutes. When we can walk in another’s shoes we can better understand why individuals make certain decisions. Whether we agree with another’s actions or not is not the issue. Detaching from the situation and not taking the actions personally is the issue.
Remember the conflict began because of the underlying fear and insecurity of each party. Which means the parties involved took the situation personally and projected their own insecurity onto the other individuals. The overall solution is to follow the second agreement suggested by Don Miguel Ruiz in his book The Four Agreements, “Don’t take anything personally”.
Resolving conflict is hard work, not getting involved in conflict is even harder, but don’t give up,
You’re Worth It!